where is her foot?

This seems pretty appropriate for today.

the vanilla chicken again

It tasted pretty good, but needs to be creamier and worse for heart health.

Here are two pictures.  One is of the pie (with removable dough charm) and the other is of the sign advertising the pie as a dinner special.  Not one piece sold!  More for whomever ends up eating it, ha!

the vanilla chicken

Pie lesson: sometimes flour that looks exactly the same has different protein and gluten contents and this is significant because it can make your pie crust lame like a crippled Kriss Angel.

Other than the crust mishap, the Vanilla Chicken Pie seems to have gone pretty well.  It gets tasted by me today.  I can't wait.

To remedy reading something boring with no pictures, here is a thing:

A skinny fat trashy white guy with enviable hair.

purple face from facebook

A whole lot of time ago, I saw a profile picture on facebook and I thought it was pretty, so I painted it.  The girl with the weird purple face is someone I went to elementary school with; she really seems to have blossomed into a beautiful, happy person.  I can't actually remember when I last had a conversation with her because I was likely 9 years old when that would have happened, so the painting makes me feel creepy. 

I guess sometimes, pointless internet stalking can result in rushed, poorly made art.  Yes!

cancer cat

Two months ago, I was in a shopping mall where there was a super cheap random crap from China sale and I picked up a gaudy, baroque inspired plastic frame that was coated in what I can only imagine to be lead induced cancer (gold paint).  It had a gross smell that I only discovered after removing the plastic wrap and the gold rubbed off on my fingers.  I spray painted it all lavender and hoped the lacquer would seal in any carcinogens the frame may be housing.

A week ago, I purchased a bargain bin muscle shirt with a rad screen of a cat on it.  The shirt was cut to look unflattering on I think every human on earth, so I extracted the cat, stuck it in the frame and now I have a cat in a frame.  I like it, even though I'm secretly scared it will cause cell mutations that will leave me sickly and destitute in later life.

 Above is a dirty ol webcam capture of a cat in a frame.

a visual change

I will begin posting pictures of things I have drawn or painted or otherwise made because those are more interesting to look at than what is currently going on here.

 Not only does this painting depict a girl who is red in the face and wallowing in embarrassment, it also makes me, the maker of this image, bashful about my deficits in artistic ability.  I think it is a good start to showcase what I have done, though.  I'm going to think of it as a disclaimer; sorry, these things are probably lame but here they are. 

sloppy cucumbers

Yesterday included an attempt at a cucumber honey meringue pie.  It failed at first, the filling remained slushy and liquid even after the oven manhandled it, but it came around after some coaxing and prodding this morning.

Clearly, the technique and recipe will need to be redone but that is all right because it is loads of fun to mess around with weird pies.